Connection with music and books.

Besides books, music is a way that I can feel and communicate with the world. In a way, to understand it. To feel like I know what part of my life I am in. Even though I sometimes (mostly) feel lost in life. I'm sure I'm not the only one that feels this way, but there's something about listening to music during these moments that kind of help. Then finding that other song that changes your mood completely. I can find a song that works so well with any situation that comes into my life.
Here are a couple of examples...

First love that wasn't right, "Back to December" - Taylor Swift
When I feel like I might not be enough, "Who Says" - Selena Gomez
Knowing God has someone special out there for me, "Bless the Broken Road" - Rascal Flatts
Missing my dad, "Over You" - Miranda Lambert

Little ones like this, I can feel what I want to feel. Not saying that I don't have feelings, just that I can easily find the song that helps me feel what I want to feel. Or encourage me to feel better. I even think sometimes, music is my only friend. Because I can communicate well with it. I know which song goes with whichever part of my life. Although my life can sometimes me a comedy, it still goes well with my own soundtrack.

The other times of my like, like when I want to believe in love again, that's when I turn to my books. They give this idea of that powerful love that you can find at the most random times. They could also be blamed for my imagination that I might find mine love that way too. That I could fall for that man I meet in school during his fight, or the one that's the head of the company I work for and he approached me by saying something inappropriate. Silly little things like that. Many say that you can't go looking for love, it'll come to you. However with my imagination from my books, I hope he does something cheesy when we meet.


And here is the rest of it. Follow me on my Twitter here.

Live life to the fulliest! Because we're all going to die anyways.

Now this may sound a bit dark but ever wonder why we do the things we do, why we go and try to achieve higher if we aren't taking any of this with us when we die.

When we die we aren't going to take with our high school or college degree. We aren't taking our riches with us. (At least not for real for those that want to be buried with it) So why do we continue. We do we pressure ourselves so much for nothing really. I know some do it for their families and their future or what not. But other than that, I don't see much reason to. At least not at my age.

I do hope to have a family of my own one day but I don't see how being in school now helps me if worst comes to worst and I die tomorrow. My hours of classes aren't going to do me any good then. I could've been spending my time enjoying things I love to do. Like playing tourist in the city, being silly with my brothers, enjoying a beautiful day out with my mom, watching a game at Wrigley, cake fight with HDM. Those are just a few things I enjoy doing and wish I could do them daily because I fear the day it comes that my time here is over and I hate myself for not doing them enough.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this because I feel like I'm wasting time in school. I love school. I love the stories we read, the discussions we have in the class. I love the whole learning experience. I just wish I know that I'm not wasting my time there. That I do eventually became the fun English teacher that I hope I one day get to be. I just don't want my life to end so early because then I wouldn't have as much memories as I want to have.

They say, "if you don't have something to smile about when your old, you didn't live right". I don't want that to be me. I have a few things to smile about already, but I'm not fully sure that its enough. I wish I could asks someone if I'm living to the fullest because I'm not sure.

Especially since we're all going to die anyways.





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My Fears..

I fear of being a failure.
I fear of letting down my family.
I fear that I won’t make it .
I fear that I won’t meet to their standards.
I fear that I won’t make them proud.
I fear all of this.

I fear that I lost the one guy that really loved me.
I fear that I blew my chances.
I fear that he could’ve been something.
I fear that I let him go to soon.
I fear all of this.

I fear that I don’t know what I’m doing.
I fear that I’m too average.
I fear that I don’t fit in very well.
I fear that I won’t be so successful.
I fear that I won’t make something of myself.
I fear that I don’t know what I do best.
I fear that I might be a screw up.
I fear all of this.

Last but not least, I fear he doesn’t see me.
I fear he’ll never know that I‘m here.
I fear that its never going to change.
I fear that I’m be the friend forever.
I fear that I’m never going to have that chance.
I fear that he could be the one with the perfect kiss.
I fear that he thinks nothing more between us.
I fear the he doesn’t see me as the one of his dreams.
I fear that he’ll make a mistake with her, that he’ll never be mine.
I fear all of this, and I don’t know if I’ll ever over come it.

Goals to accomplish by 21

These are my goals I want to accomplish by the age of 21,
(got 2 years to do it.)


* Graduate High School. (June 12, 2010)
* Go to New York.
* Go to my dream college, Northeastern (August 30, 2010)
* Finish writing my book.
* Write my own song on the piano.
* Have a memorial night. (May 26, 2012)
* Be in a protest. (10/25/2011 - HDM protest against an abortion clinic.)
* Road Trip - Anywhere
* Dance under the moonlight. (May 19, 2012 @2am)
* Do a dance performance in public.
- Maybe with HDM (4/26/12)
* Make someone's day. (Mari's)
* Be in a food fight.
* Learn how to cook one meal
* Go to a big music festival
* Write a letter to your future self.
* Buy myself a printer.
* Try something completely new.
* Have a wild crazy day/night.(1/14/2012. C.C.)
* Have the perfect kiss.(May 19, 2012)

* And with any hope.....
buy my favorite book that i don't have.
"Love You Forever" (July 7, 2012)

Maybe not in that order but yeah.
If you guys want, you can help me or join along.

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